I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sext me about skeletons
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