rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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