Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize