If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
