I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize