my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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