I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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