well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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