i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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