In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
