So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
