My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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