There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
