yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize