Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
