My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
