I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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