Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
