the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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