He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
