Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
