Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
