Pappa wants mamma naked
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
