Ambien. No doubt about it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize