my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
