dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
