I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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