Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
