like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
