I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
