there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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