dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
