She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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