It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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