This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
