This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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