And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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