I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Randomize
