I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
