Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
