You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
