I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize