I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
