Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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