I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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