I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize