porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
