Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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