So gin and wine won't be happening again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
