Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
