im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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