mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize