Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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