i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
