Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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