cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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