Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
