i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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