Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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