Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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