My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
