i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
