He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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