Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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