Where is the hickey?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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