You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize