He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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