Apparently you make a good broom.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
