got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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