my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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