i think my tv is drunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
