My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
