im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
