so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
