You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
