drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
