Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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