Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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