why didn't you poke me back
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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