I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
