yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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