A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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