He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
