at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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