I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
