I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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