I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
