Who wears a wallet chain?!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
sarcasm needs its own font
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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