Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
