please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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