Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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