i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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