I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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