The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
