the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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