Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
