Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
