I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
