Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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