Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
