it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
