I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
