So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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